carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
