Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
