So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
