I hate your face
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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