Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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