im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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