Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
