my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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