I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
