he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Pants are for mortals
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
