I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
