She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
