I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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