How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
ugly people sure do ruin things
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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