that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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