I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
