Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
