I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
