I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
