Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
