i need an iv and a liver transplant
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
