I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
