He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
