If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
