2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
