So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
