Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
