me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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