i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
