Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
