nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
