non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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