His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
