I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
