If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
