Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
