I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
