So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
