I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
