I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
