Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
