oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
