I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
