there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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