PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
