Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I got inside last night via doggy door
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
