I am spending my child support on dildos
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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