You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
