You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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