After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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