no you cant smoke seaweed
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
