Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
