Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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