She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
